Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Haircuts and Shoe Shopping, 2 of my favorite things.

No, not really. Think, and think hard:  have you ever seen me comb my hair? Nope, you probably have not.  This is because it's about my only body part that is well behaved.  It never hurts, makes noise, if I give it the proper maintenance, it doesn't smell bad, etc.  It just lies there, looking brown.  I have briefly attempted a hair style, 2 times.  Once in school, I asked either Mike or Ames to cut it like Dad's, for the part on the side, comb over thing.  It didn't work out.  And once back in the 90's, I went to one of those hair cut places, and I knew she didn't listen closely when she took out her buzzer dowhinkey thingy and buzzed all my hair off, about half an inch was all that was left.  That turned out to be ok, we went out and bought a Wahl clipper set from Fleet Farm for $20 and Val cut my hairs for about 5 years. 

I don't have a style....and it just falls where it falls.  I stir it around occasionally...and so this is why I don't much care for a trip to the hair cut place.  I had a girl all lined up and trained;  several of them, over the years, actually.  I found the one when I needed a hair cut for Grandpa's funeral, March 96.  Couple years later, she left.  03, girl fresh out of school, traded hair cuts for massage.  FLAKE.  05 or 06, same deal, but she never called to set up her massage, so I quit going to see her.  Got 4 free haircuts. 

Finally, someone opened a "salon for men", calling it a barbershop, they have coffee, they have peanuts, they have a tv in each station.  They do a shampoo and a vibrator style shoulder massage.  $10.  If I could get the same girl each time, I'd be set....because apparently simply stating:  "shorter, thinner, over the ears and off the collar" is not enough information.  I don't really mind the cutting, I love the shampoo, and the vibrator thing is nice.  I guess I just don't like the explanation part, which is why I want the same girl each time.  And the comb on the ear part....it's not like my ears are small therefore hard to see...jeez, girl, don't comb them...it HURTS.

Shoe shopping.  I need new tennis/walking/multi purpose shoes.  I don't play tennis, but I still call them tennis shoes.  I don't know why.  Actually, I don't NEED new shoes, it's just that my current pair are dirty and kinda ragged, and won't look good while on vacation, so I'm going to get a new pair.  What brand?  Glad you asked.  I wear Sketchers now.  Wore New Balance for the longest time, but found Sketchers to be more comfortable...and they last a long long time, too.  Here's why I don't like shoe shopping.

Usually, the store is too warm.  Always the store smells like what is in it:  Chinese rubber, nylon, synthetic crap.  P U.  If I can find the right size in a shoe that I like the looks of, or at least I don't dislike the looks of it, the shoes are always filled with 5# of trash, and the store never has a bin to throw it into.  Seems like there's always bad music on the speakers, played too loud for my special ears, having been combed raw and bleeding.  Ok, that is an exaggeration, but you had a mental image of me with my ears taped up like a german shephard puppy, didn't you?

Thankfully, the shoes are almost always laced up now...otherwise, that chore is next.  Try on the new shoes, and prance around, try to determine if they are going to fit or cause the little toe to eat the next toe.  Seems like there is always some screaming baby in the middle of the aisle that I've chosen to do my walkabout...which enhances my shoe buying experience.  Maybe they'll change it's diaper right next to me, so I can enjoy that aspect of it too.     

Several years ago, on my noon kinderarten route, which was a special needs route, they brought out one kid, put him on the bus and went away very quickly. It was just a couple days past Valentine's day...and we had to sit and wait for another kid.  :(  The paraprofessional (interesting word, isn't it, para meaning half?) looked at the kid:  "Caden, did you drop a load?"  Of course, the kid is retarded in some manner, and just kinda bounced up and down.  Finally the other kid came out and got on, she asked:  "what's that smell?"  I said to the para:  "feel free to put down a window or 2".  Seems like it took an eternity to drive across town, and I was thankful the kid had on his nylon snowpants, tucked into his boots.....because he had indeed dropped a load, a massive load, if the odour was any indication.  When we finally got there, the lady came out to get him, Mark announced:  "we suspect that Caden is packing...".  She nodded and took him away.  The next day....she advised us on how he stunk up the whole facility.  Which we already knew....as we had driven across town with our heads out the windows.  That, my friends, was awful.

How was that for a crappy story?  Sure, there's more, like how he kept bouncing up and down, saying: "poooooooooo".

Also, regarding shoes...In the winter, I typically wear waterproof hiking style boots since we have so much winter weather, lots of puddles, lots of snow.  I've worn the same pair for several years, the soles are getting thin...and they are not very warm.  So....it may be time to replace them.

Sheila seems to think shoe shopping is a reward for all of her hard work.  I suppose for her it is...she can go out and buy some sassy expensive heely shoes that will garner her loads of rumpy pumpy, which would indeed be a reward.  My shoes have never inspired anyone to commit rumpy pumpy.

For me, shoes serve to keep my feet warm and dry, to keep me comfortable when I'm walking around...

I clearly need an editor...there are some jambled thoughts going on there.  OH WELL!

Remember, friends...it's cat's week.
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