Friday, January 13, 2012

Couple years ago, I went down to the corner store to buy a box of rubbers.  Not having purchased rubbers in quite a few years I was amazed by the selection.  Size, colour, options, conveniences, cost, materials.  

I asked a sales girl for advice and recommendations.  She snorted with derision and disdain:  "I don't use rubbers", she announced, then flounced away.  She was long gone before I could ask her what she did use for protection.  Damn the luck.

Finally, I chose a box, made the purchase, went home.  Soon an opportunity to use the rubbers arose, and I got out the box, only to discover that I had bought the wrong size; they were too small.  I put them on the shelf, thinking I'd find the receipt and return them...but I could never find the receipt.  So then the trouble really set in:  what do I do with rubbers that are too small?  Give them away?  Donate them?  Who would I give them to?  It's not like you can tell just by looking at a guy.  So there they languished, sad and alone, dusty on the shelf.  

The years pass, and the house gets crowded.  I finally get tired of looking at that box of rubbers that I can't use and decide to dispose of them, once and for all.  They go into the pile of crap to donate to Salvation Army, I choose the SA because they're just down the street and they take a lot of crap.  

Just before making the trip, I take one more look at them, I open the box and realize that I've been wrong the entire time...the rubbers are the right size.  So last night, I've got opportunity to use the rubbers, I open the package and slip one on.  You read that right, it slipped right on....all this time I thought they were too small but really.......they're too big!

Using rubbers that are too big is dangerous.  Stuff can get in that you don't want in there, stuff can get out, you can lose one when you least expect it, leaving you without protection when you need it the most!  A rubber that is a little too small, if you can get it on, anyway, will at the very least offer supreme protection until it breaks, which it will, eventually.  Usually with a great big tear after leaking for a while.  Right now you must be wondering how long a guy like me wears rubbers...and I'll tell you that I wear them the whole time.

So anyway, back to last night.  I slipped on my new/old rubbers because I needed the protection.  I got into position, and got busy.  No, I did not make an announcement at the time that my rubbers were too big.

Sure enough, wasn't long before I could feel it...foreign substance leaking into my rubber.  A guy's foot gets cold fast when his rubbers fill with snow.
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