Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Home sick, which  has only happened a few times in my life.  The first time I can recall not going to work, was when I was working at the egg place in Lenox the summer after my senior year.  I worked there most of the summer, which is impressive compared to my cousin Billy, (the only [first] cousin that amounted to anything) who couldn't even finish one night there.  We'd been putting up hay and my back hurt.  In fact it hurt for about 3 days, and they told me to get a doctor's excuse for missing so much time.  Well, after that church car wash, walking and moving around, my back was all better, didn't need a damn doctor's note.  So ended my time at the egg place.  Kind of stupid, I think...since they were always needing people to work. 

I called in sick once while working at McDonalds, but I was not sick.  I just didn't feel like driving all the way home quite yet.  However, on another occasion, I left early...One night I didn't sleep well, the bed had some squeaky connections, and every move made it squeak.  I didn't sleep at all that night, have not yet figgered that out.  I left work early, went home, pulled the mattress off the bed and slept on the floor the rest of the day.  Squirted that bed with WD40 to make it stop squeaking, didn't have another problem.

Seems like I woke up in the middle of the night and barfed into my trash can (which is a copper 5 gallon bucket that my great grandpa used on the farm) but I don't recall calling in sick.  Maybe I did.  Dunno

We went to San Antonio to visit my Mom, she came up from Mexico for the occasion, and on the way home, I woke up that morning in Kansas very sick.  I drove thru KC, and then Val took over, I slept the rest of the trip.  Turns out I had walking pneumonia.  Believe me, I didn't feel like walking.  I must have stayed home 2 or 3 days.

BRB, feels like I have to pee.  I'll sit down just in case there is another episode of "gastrointestinal distress".  Nope, just pee.  What a good feeling.

I've had a bout of bronchitis since then, but I don't recall staying home.

My symptoms?  Sure!  Exactly 24 hours ago at the time of this typing, I didn't feel good.  Had felt fine all day, all week, actually.  Hard to exactly describe the feeling...stomach grumbling, or perhaps "tummy monsters" is a better term.  I felt just like I've felt right before imitating a goose.  I felt tired, like I could drop into a deep sleep, but I didn't feel sleepy.  I did have a mild headache most of the day. I had clear rational thoughts all afternoon, even as the day progressed I diagnosed myself with fever, as I'd be hot and cold, hot and cold, which got much worse when I got home.  While driving the shuttle bus, I'd regulate my temp by opening my window a little and rolling up my sleeves or closing the window and lowering my sleeves again.   I expected to freeze when I got out of the bus and into the pickup, but I didn't really get hot or cold.  weird.  At home,  I covered up with a blanket stolen from Delta airlines when we went to Hawaii last January and shivered.  It'd come in waves, kind of starting from the feet and moving up.  What an exquisite feeling when the hair on the back of your neck and head stand up in an effort to keep warm.  I dozed off for a while, kind of in that sleepyness when you're not really asleep, but not awake, either.  Val made a grilled cheese sandwich for me, it was perfect.  Toasty, melty;  good job, princess!  She waited on me quite a bit, set up a tv tray, got some lemonade for me, etc.

She went up to turn on my side of the electric blanket and I sat there, shivering.  About 830 I was hit with an abdominal cramp, and I thought it was killing me.  Which means to the ladies, it was a mild twinge, much like a paper cut would feel like to an elephant's foot.  It subsided and I went up to bed.  I was a little concerned; I knew what that cramp meant.  It meant that pretty soon I was going to be perched atop the porcelain throne, holding on for dear life.  Pretty soon turned out to be about 11:30.  Val had not yet come to bed, turns out she was just finishing her bed time ritual.  You know, wash face, comb hair, brush teeth, give treats to the cat.  She does that as a distraction so that she can get thru the door to our upstairs w/o him.  The big fat hairy bastard can be quite annoying to her about 4 am.  Yes, I mean the cat!  Ok, sure...I've been known to be annoying at that time of day too.

Speaking of 4am...time for round 2!  YeeHaw!  I actually could have gone down at 3 for this great event, but was able to hold back until 4.  And what an event it was!  I'm not able to describe for you the sounds and the smells....I just wish I had been in a crowded airport restroom...with a hidden camera to catch the expressions of the poor bastards that had the poor judgement to visit the crapper at the same time as me!

Back to bed, laid there awhile, snuggling the cat to keep him off Val's head.  Trying to decide if I should get up at 5 and go to work, endanger all my favorite co-workers or not.  If I could only infect a select few...I'd have been there early.  But!  I don't want Cindy to get sick.  So I called in and fell asleep.  Didn't get my damn alarm turned off, so it woke me up, briefly, though.  Val's alarm goes off at 6, she tries to cover me up, but I was hot and resisted.  Finally she went away and I was able to sleep until 8:30, when it was time for round 3.  I decided that this illness couldn't be due to something I ate:  I have never EVER eaten anything that smelled that bad.  I'm not sure that the fridge that I cleaned out after it had sat (full of food) for 3 weeks w/o electricity was even this bad.  The cat walked into the bathroom, but quickly left, using his tail to cover his nose.  Friends, I've been in the basement when the cat has used his litterbox...the cat can never say:  my crap don't stink.  He should be used to it....that little bastard was mocking me.

Went straight to the shower after that.  blech.  I want to take time out of my busy day to thank AlGore for inventing the shower.  A hot shower sure makes a guy feel better.  Of course, today, I was wishing for a hose, to make sure my ass was washed clean.  Wonder how much a bidet would cost?  Do those use warm water, or cold water only?  Wouldn't be near as much fun to use if it were cold water only.

SO, nearly 12 hours in bed, a hot shower, some cat snuggling time, blues music in the background...bit of a headache, but feeling pretty good.  I have not heard my stomach growl, grumble, slosh, for quite a while.

This just in:  I changed the station from (uncle)BBKing's blues to Hair Nation.  It's a little harder than I normally prefer, but I enjoy it.  If they had a station of Journey, Boston, Dire Straights, Survivor, Scorpions, etc....that'd be perfect.

That pretty well sums up the crappy sick day I've had.  Hope you've enjoyed it.

Who am I kidding?  I've got all afternoon to get thru yet and you're just sitting there, reading this.  I should charge admission into the story of my life.  Yes, I wear cotton clothes.

Remember when I said that my left hand hurt?  Must have been November.  Yeah, I mentioned it to the doctor, er the nurse when she was asking all those questions.  No, the damn doctor never asked about it.  They don't care.  As Sheila would say:  Bastards!  Here's what I did.  I put my prodigious mind to work thinking about what could be causing this problem. I experimented with various things to determine what it could be.  GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.  Jeez, you're as bad as me.

Once upon a time, long long ago, my little finger hurt.  I was delivering paint for Diamond Vogel at the time...had a 88 and then a 93 Ford F250 pickup that came with an AM radio.  Lucky, huh?  No, no cup holders.  Yeah, so pretty often, I'd have to go out of town and I generally wound up leaving about lunch time.  Yep, a stop at McDonald's drive thru and I'd hit the road.  Turns out that holding the cup of pop with my right hand, lunch with my left hand and the wheel with my little finger (right hand) was causing distress.  I quit that pinky wheeling and it never hurt again.

Imagine that center panel, between the 2 horizontal creases painted orange

I tried not typing blogs, and that didn't help.  It got so that grabbing a bottle Diet PoisonPop from the fridge was painful and I knew I had to get busy figgering out what the problem is.  I finally determined that it was coming from the way I was holding my dumbly named ebook device.  So I changed that and started stretching my arm/wrist/hand and the pain has gone away.  How?  Pronation, supination, flexion and extension of the wrist.  Oh, ok.  hold yer arm out.  Rotate it so the palm is up, like you're holding a bowl of soup.  Hold it there a while, then rotate it the other way, palm down, and as far around as it will go.  Hold it a while.  Then, just stick yer arm out again, flex the wrist, (pull the palm up like a "stop" action).  Hold it a good long time, often it's best to assist it, gently.  After a minute or 2, you should find that you can take it a little farther.  Now bend yer hand/wrist down, like the way a gay guy prances about.  Same deal w/assist...NOW, What do you want me to fix for you?

wishing you health and happiness.
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