Saturday, March 31, 2012

A blog with a warning label.  This blog is brought to you courtesy of bourbon.

Val's out of town, on girls weekend.  So I thought to my self:  self, why not do some of the things you enjoy?  I agreed with my self, of course, since I'm right, and it'd be considered crazy to argue with your/myself, esp when I'm right.

Still with me?

So off I went to Wally Mart.  I took Val's cane from last year, and when I saw a shapely lady wearing a skirt bending over, I hooked the skirt and lifted it up to see what was underneath.  She didn't agree with me on that, but I promised I'd not do it again and lied to her, saying that I was sorry.  You see...it wasn't that she minded me lifting the skirt, but my aim was off and the handle went right up her.....well, you know it doesn't matter where the handle went, it was going to have to be washed.

Luckily, someone was there with his service dog, and he licked it off.  The DOG licked it, not the blind guy.  Although he seemed to want to....he sniffed in the general direction of the cane and said:  "I didn't know that Sheila was coming here tonight."

So I walked around some more, trying to get some sympathy with the cane, but...once you know where that handle's been...[bygones]  I did find some children that needed guidance, so I scared the hell out of them and got out of there before I got into trouble, and went to the liquor store.  You know, for the longest time, I was BEER ONLY.  I would not touch a mixed drink or a shot or a glass of spirit neat.  This is because I'd never been around any good booze.  It was always the bottom shelf cheap stuff, the canadian whisky blends, which is another way of saying "it's CRAP!"  Windsor, Canadian Club, VO, Black Velvet, etc.  yuck.

I had a mission in mind when I went to Andy's, I wanted a bottle of Jesse James bourbon.  Holy crap, I had a goal!

Secretary, write that on the calendar, put it on my to do list and mark that fucker done!

This Jesse James bourbon is promoted by the long haired dude from Full Throttle Saloon, "sings" (screams) for the Jackyl "band".  Funny how it says on the label Established 1882, when it was introduced for the first time in August at the Stugis motorcycle rally thing.  Like it says down below, it's pretty good, lots of leather and caramel and charred toasted oak.

Seems like we've discussed beer before here on the bloggy thing.  I also seem to recall thinking of about 40 more things I wanted to tell you fine people, but I forgot.



The liquor store that I go to is less than half a mile from my house....handy if I ever become an alcoholic.  They go to the various distilleries and buy barrels of whiskey, and get a special label put on the bottle.  That bottle on the left.  It was barreled 11/15/01, #784; bottled on 9/22/11.   86.6proof.  It is very good, btw, a single barrel, it hasn't been blended with other barrels to make them taste better, which is most of what is available.  The middle one is the bottle I went to get, and since it is made by Heaven Hill, it is quite good as well.  I have found that I enjoy sipping them neat.  That means no ice, no water, no damn coke.

A guy at the store, Mike, was telling me about all the barrels they have bought and are coming in in the next 5 weeks, sounds like I'll have to be drinking  lots of bourbon to keep up.  And because I was getting a bottle of the Evan Williams, he gave me a whiskey glass.  Nice, huh?  Oh, you're wondering about the water in the pic?  I find that a feller should drink a lot of water when drinking bourbon.  Did you know we have a reverse osmosis water filter?  Takes the chlorine taste out, takes out rustyness, all sorts of stuff.  You should see those filters when I take them out.

I don't know who is writing this damn thing, I went to the liquor store today. So after WallyMart, I went to John Hardy's for dinner, talked to Trav for the time he was there, then sat down for dinner.  After that I went to The Canadian Honker because I knew there was live music.  So I ordered a beer:  Goose Pee, which is Schell's Amber with a fake name.  You can get this beer all over town, Glynner's, WhistleBinky, Beetle's, JohnHardy's, just to name a few...they all call it something different, and they all price it differently.  You can bet that I will NOT be getting any more of it at the honker...they charge $6.37 for a 22oz glass.  Whistle Binky charges $2.50? happy hour, Beetle gets $4 or 450.  Bunch of bastards.  It's good beer, but not that good.  I got there about 8, damn place is packed.  I should have taken in my book, but it's kind of fun to watch people too, sometimes.  I've gotten in trouble for watching too intently before.  Can you imagine that?  The PeanutButter pie is quite good there, but best shared and drunk with coffee.

I will say that I did not do all that I wanted to do while I was there.  I wanted to tell my waitress that she had a great smile, and that if it wasn't genuine that she was a great actress.  Good job, Steve, trombone dude, keyboard dude and singer dude.  Good band.  I should have requested "Ain't no Sunshine".

thru Kelly's, I thought:  Damn, I used to sometimes give 5 or 6 of these a day!  Girl's weekend is all about what I want and want to do, right?  So then I went to the titty bar.  Well, close.  I went to Big Lots, and bought some stuff.  Rochester doesn't have a titty bar, and I'm not sure if the one in Austin is still open.  Next closest would be close to an hour drive; at $3.75/gallon/15 mpg not sure I can afford that.

Are you still awake?  Made the mistake of buying a small bag of malt vinegar/sea salt chips.  They make the bourbon taste different.  Where's that damn cat.

Yeah, ok.  Kelly was my only plan for Saturday.  If the weather forecast turned out like they said, I thought I might go for a ride.  I thought maybe Gracie might come over for a massage, I considered getting a massage, but I bought bourbon instead.  The other BBQ joint is having a soul food buffet, and I have a GC.  I'll have to lay off the bourbon before I go, of course.  It'd cost a fortune to take a taxi, and 2 fortunes if I got a DWI.

I think the salt or the vinegar from those damn chips ate away the top layer of my tongue.  Good thing I can't find the cat, after all.

Where is that little black bastard, anyway?  Hope no one stole him.

What's on for Sunday?  Glad you asked.  How about a motorcycle ride thru the fresh country air, seeing the leaves coming out onto the trees, seeing the grass green up the countryside, smelling the ever-so-fresh manure being spread onto the fields.  We'll cruise down to Chatfield, have lunch, ride around some more, then stop for ice cream at DQ.  Why DQ?  I have a gift card!  that means that I'll spend some of tonight looking at a map, deciding which way to go, but first!  Another volunteer for my massage table.  I'm not sure if she's the lucky one, or me.  I've always said that I do the massage for free, but people find that to be creepy.

I could go on and on, here, but then I'd have to make up stuff, and I know how you hate that.  This is a nonfiction bloggy thing; here's where you find the truth, justice and the American way!
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