Monday, September 03, 2012

Restaurant review:  The Fainting Goat, Waverly, IA

A not so perfect place in a nearly perfect town.

Very accurate.  Waverly is a lovely town.  Clean, lots of businesses in the downtown area, seems to be a wonderful place.  Read on to learn about the Goaty place.

I rode my motorcycle down to IA for a party at a friends house and on the return trip I stopped for a late lunch at this goat place in Waverly.  Here's the menu cover:

It's always a dilemma for me...use the flash and get some glare or not use it and maybe it won't show up.  It was really dark in there....maybe because I'd been outside all day in the bright sunshine....or maybe it was just really dark.  I guess if you sit in there staring at the tv throwball games, you don't need lights.

The sign says Seat Yourself.  I find a clean table and do just that.  The waiter twerp (those in the know, knows what this means) comes over to get my drink order, water, and also wants to know what I want to eat.  I need a minute, since this is my first time here, dumbass.

Interesting menu, although it gets annoying that they use an ' instead of an e in the word chicken or drunken or dipped.  Sure, occasionally it is cute or fun.  When he finally comes back, I order the big pig pork tenderloin sandwich thingy.  Batter'd or broil'd, he wanted to know.  Comes with chips, but for a measly $2.....chips will be fine.  Or so I thought.

So I'm a cheap bastard.  Sue me.  Actually, don't sue me, just make fun of me if you must.

The water came with ice, which is appropriate.  It also came with a straw.  Have you ever tried to hoover up a fresh chocolate shake thingy from Wendy's using their normal sized straw?  Yeah, you suck for a while, a pain forms behind your eyes, your ear drums collapse, your throat when you finally get some out of the cup, it has nowhere to go.  The straw that come in the water was like that.  So I poured the water into my Denny's cup that I've been using on the bus and on the bike for several years.  It has a matching red straw that is quite stylish and sophisticated.  It does clash with the bike, but nothing is perfect.

Figgered that the twerp would refill my water glass, since it was empty.  Nope.

No, really, the chips were fine, but they must employ a 5 year old midget dwarf  that has hands the size of Tinkerbell's thimble, and is only allowed to give me one handful.  The basket came pretty quickly, and the sandwich had lettuce, tomato and onion on it...believe it or not, the tomato was pretty much ripe, too.  The onion wasn't too strong, quite good...and the lettuce was green!  The meat was well cooked, not over cooked and flavorless.

That's right, folks, before you cook meat, you should season it.  A little salt and pepper before breading would have improved the taste and enjoyability of the sandwich a great deal.  Adding salt and pepper after gets it done, too, but's the cook's job.  Lazy bastard.

I finish, go to the restroom to do restroom things....what a DUMP!  No, not like at the gas station where the fucker didn't flush the toilet, I mean like:  the sink is cracked, the counter top is covered with dirty water, the divider walls are missing from between the urinals, and the stall is caved in next to the toilet.  The walls are covered with graffiti.  

Again, finally....I don't know what twerpy was doing all day, he only had 2 tables, and he wasn't serving me...he came back with the bill.  "How was everything?"  Everything???

"the sandwich was unseasoned, my waterglass is empty and the restroom is a dump."


I gave him my Discover card, he went away.  Probably wrote down the number, came back. "we don't take Discover....we accept Visa, Mastercard, Super America, American Express, Lane Bryant, Kohls, Citgo, Diner's club, and went on to name every other card in the world that I don't have.  Annoying.

No tip.  If he'd filled my water glass, I'd have given him a tip and not complained about the other stuff.  I was thirsty, damn it!  90 degrees, 250+ miles...6 hours, in the sun, uphill both ways in the blinding blizzard...

Recap:  dark, throwball games (no sound), poor service, half decent food, bad restroom.  

Pretty sure I won't go back, unless I find some review that shows I'm wrong/had an abnormal experience.
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