Birthday. Suck.

Lots of people love their birthday. They have lots of fun, they party, they go around smiling all day. Not me. Oh I know, I don't go around smiling any day. But I look forward to birthdays kinda like people look forward to colonoscopies. And root canals. 

Why? Maybe I'm a grumpy bastard, maybe I expect too much. This year I didn't expect anything, and almost got less. If it weren't for the passenger that gave me a rice krispy bar, the day would have totally sucked. 

I can think of a few birthdays that were good. I recall one year riding my motorcycle all around, and then going to dinner with some friends. That was nice...Val had arranged a good group. I think I remember our first year I surprised her by showing up, we went to the rochesterfest parade.

I only remember having one bday party growing up, had it at Bibbons Park. I don't remember who was there, but I do remember who didn't come. This should have been a clue for the rest of my life. 

Focus on the bad, disregard the good.

I remember having to share my bday with my cousin, since she had the misfortune of being born the same day. Must have been kind of like being twins, even though she was several years older. What the fuck is the fun of holding someone down and tickling them? It's goddamn torture, is what it is. Thanks a lot you fucking cousins.

I turned 21, went to Casey's and bought a 6pack of beer. Went to where Dad worked, and gave him one. He says "oh, is it your bday?" 

I turned 30, had to clean a fridge at the apt complex. It had been w/o power for 3 weeks, full of what used to be food. No hot water. The manager says "why don't you just move it to the office and plug it in, you can't throw away her property". 

what a fucking idiot

Facebook is great, though, huh? More than 100 people have sent a happy birthday greeting. I think a lot of them are sincere, too. Since I send almost everyone on my friends list one, I kinda wonder if it's just retribution. Half of them say "enjoy the day", kind like a command. Maybe that's the problem...I tend to do the opposite if possible. Sure as hell managed that today. 

Maybe I should take the day off and do whatever I want to do. The problem is that I cannot do what I want to do. And I'm not going to talk about that right now.


I wrote this on my birthday, but didn't post it. I don't remember why, probably because I'd been drinking heavily. Why post it now? Ah, WTF. 

94 F150 update

F150 update. Or getting ready for winter again. 

Yes, I do believe I remember saying a few years ago I'm not sure how long this thing will last. Well, I might or might not have mentioned that in January 2014, I bought a Subaru, so the poor old rusty pickup doesn't get much action any more....and it seemed to kinda like that.  

Did I mention I got a couple more jobs? Yeah, in January. So anyway, in February I had to work 2 or 3 of them on the same day, which means I needed one car to go north and the other to go south. Cold day. holy hell.....and the pickup didn't start to go north to the bus barn, so I put the charger on it. 

Cut me some slack, ok? The battery is old. (Dec 2007)I had not started it for about a month or 6 weeks. But 3 hours on the charger had it going. I had to do this 2 job thing for about 2 weeks, and mid way thru the 2nd week, this happened: 

That is a front wheel brake line. I wound up replacing all the brake lines on the front of the pickup, then couldn't get the bleeder screws loose to bleed them. I hired CSC, the towing and repair shop across the street to take care of it, which they did for $40.

In August, I see a puddle under the poor pickup....power steering oil. I don't have time to fix it, so I toss the keys to CSC again, and they guy replaces one hose. BTW, there are 2 hoses, and they are the same age. I'm not sure why he didn't put on both. Because it's leaking again, or still. 

Anyway, the point is I was going to change the oil, which I have not done for 2 years, because I've only driven it about 1700 miles in those 2 years. I plan to replace the wiper blades, fill the transmission and check the differential. I also plan to hook up a battery tender to it, so I can keep the battery charged, since it's still old. 

Cause when I need it.....I NEED it. 

edit and update again. LOL. Oil changed, transmission checked, winter air installed in the tires, including the spare, coolant topped off (where does that stuff go?) and windshield washer juice filled. 

I know, the pic kind of doesn't really show what is going on. that plastic tab broke off the reservoir, it holds that side of the tank to the pickup. I wrapped a long wire around the tank and gave it some twists to hold it tight. It's not a critical thing. 

I generally buy oil at fleet farm, in the 2 gallon jug. I did some math once and found it's pretty much the same price to buy it that way vs the 5 gallon bucket, and much easier. Easier still, but more wasteful is the quarts, or a 4 or 5 qt jug, but the cost is not the same....usually by the qt is the most expensive option, and then you have all those little bottles hanging around. 

I have bought oil for my motorcycle by the 5 gallon bucket, because there's been a great rebate on it. I'll pour a gallon from the bucket into a gallon jug, on the bench. I'm sure there's an easier way, and maybe I should look for a pump to install in the bucket. then I can just take the bucket to the bike, pump it full, be done with it, get rid of the gallon jugs. Hmmmmmmmm

From pallet to booze shelf in 3 easy steps.

Do you ever visit those "crap for sale" on facebook? I think Rochester has 14 of them in various forms. A friend and constant reader saw a wine bottle shelf for sale on one and "liked it".

So I says: dude, if you want one, I can make one cheaper than that. 

I was wrong about that, but I sold it to her at that price anyway.

Spoiler: it's way more than 3 steps, and not many of them are easy.

1. find a pallet
2. get it home
3. disassemble
4. sand
5, add bottom shelf so bottles don't fall out
6. add extension blocks for glasses shelf
7. measure, mark and cut shelf for glasses
8. stain
9. varnish
10. do all the other things you forgot to do before:
such as...

1. add screws to mounting board
2. drill mounting holes
3. make sure all boards are secure, remove extra/bent/broken nails

It's not hard to find pallets. The trick is to find them with good character. Colour, contrast, just broken enough but not too broken. I've glued lots of boards back together. 
Where do I find them? Often, the plumbing company across the street leaves them out on Monday mornings....so I walk across the street, pick up 2 and carry them home. Or the lawn mower/small engine place a mile away, or the electrician down from the mower place, or construction sites, etc. A hundred other places...like the bed store, along the highway, Northern Tool, KMart....

FYI pallets are a great source of free lumber, but it is not really free. It takes a lot of work to disassemble the things, and it uses up sanding discs much faster than fresh clean wood. It's harder on router bits, saw blades, gloves. It takes more glue, more varnish, more stain. 

I found plans for a dis-assembly tool, called the Pallet Pal, made by Izzy Swan. I'll be honest, when I first saw the guy, I thought WTF? What the hell kind of name is that? But he probably didn't choose the name, and he's creative and smart as hell, so I'm jealous. I bought the plans he had for sale and built a pallet pal, and it works pretty good. The plans only contained one error that I noticed, I suggest you check his site for all sorts of fun stuff.  I made this from yellow pine, which I got from the plumber's dumpster. It came from loads of pvc pipe, the groove in the wood is used to hold the banding that secures the pvc.

Sand it. I generally just use 80, sometimes 100. Very rarely 120. We just need to take off the worst of the dirt and roughness, and splinters, etc. We really don't want it to be really smooth, or have uniform colouring. Stain it if you so desire. 

Nail in or on a board to keep the bottles in. the bottom of it should be stained, and maybe the edges too.

Measure, mark and cut the slots for the glasses, stain it too. When all the stain is dry, put on a couple coats of varnish. I generally prefer a coat of gloss and a coat of satin. On some projects I just use one coat, but I know that I won't be doing much dusting of it, and I'm not too fussy. I always brush these, it'd take way too many coats of the spray to be enough.

 on the right is the 2nd one I made, on the left is big enough for 2l pop or the big liquor bottles.

 this one is pictured below, the before pic

 used biscuits to mount the glasses shelf

30" 

 the little is totally customized, at only 24", 6 slots. All wood came from pallets

 dropped it, had to disassemble and repair before delivery

 drilled hole in wrong spot. turned the plug on the lathe and glued it in. next pic is same board but sanded.

 after pic of the very rustic pictured above

shop cat

If you desire such a shelf, of any dimensions, and BTW, I'm working on one that will be 7' long, please do contact me. kingswoodshop@yahoo.com

A list of songs that I've come to dislike and re-like in the past couple of months

In no particular order:

1. Boston: Amanda
2. Passenger: Let her go
3. Asia: Only Time will Tell
4. Scorpions: Still loving You
5. Cars: why can't I have you

3 of these I've known since the 80's, but never looked at the lyrics...and my ears don't hear them until I've read them. Make sense? 

2000 International Blue Bird School bus review

Nothing typed here should be construed as a complaint regarding the shop or mechanics.

I know, out of character for me to start with a disclaimer, but once when I was in the shop and I had a weird conversation with one of the mechanics.  I'm not going to recount that, suffice to say that it was weird. Really really weird.

I had this bus for 5.5 school years, and initially I hated it.  I'm almost too fat for the bus, there's just enough room behind the wheel for me to sit/fit.  There are a couple of drivers that are too fat for the bus, I really should befriend them and hang out with them, so I could be the thin one.

This bus came from Anoka or Chanhassen or some other goofy place, I got it with about 120,000 miles in the fall of 2008.  I had just enjoyed a year of a rear engine AmTran, which had a power door and a brand new window.  The sliding window fell in on me one fine day in October, and it didn't get replaced until February or March...when it fell in, it just missed my eye and gashed my cheek, I was not happy about that, let me assure you.

So this Bluebird is a "conventional" bus, meaning it has a long nose that sticks out and it has a huge tailswing.  This means that the area between the back wheels and rear bumper is long, and when turning sharply the driver must be careful because that tail will swing around and decimate things.

The bus had the standard manual operated door, which means my right arm got some use...for every school bus stop, they make us activate the yellow lights, put the transmission in N, set the brake all before opening the door, and all that is done with the right arm.  Of course the lights go off automatically, but the door, brake and transmission all must be reset before departing.  Yes, I kept the door well lubed...I don't see how people got by with a sticky squeaky door.

To the best of my memory, the bus never stranded me. It got swapped a couple times, mid route, because of the transmission not shifting out of first gear, the turbo problem, and an air leak....but each time it was driven back to the shop.

 Developed a problem, it'd wear off a front tire in just a few thousand miles.It was weird, too, when I first got the bus, it would not make the turn around a culdesac. Then for a couple years it would, but then at the end, it would not. Maybe they put different sized tires on it.

 coolant leaking onto alternator. BTW, the alternator quit one day, mid route. Batteries lasted the rest of the trip, thankfully.

 Turbo sucked in a seal and blew an amazing amount of smoke. An impressive amount of smoke. It was awesome.

 hood hinge bolt. disappeared for a while, made it a lot of fun to check the engine.

 "crossover mirror" mount. mirror would swivel around so that it was more useless than normal until they put a screw into it. LOL

 Exhaust pipe would smash half flat going into Lincoln school.  They put on a new pipe, and it smashed flat the first time I went to Lincoln.

 Some body damage that I sort of fixed. After 3+ years like this, the shop did some work to it, the same year the bus was retired.

 cup holder and anti rattle.

 Ran it quite a ways further, about another 20,000 miles, I think.

 Turn signal stalk broke off one day. Fun using a pencil....jamming it in to lever it up or down.

Some one mowed their lawn into a big puddle that I hit. That grass stuck to the bus for a long time...kinda funny.

beard

As a teenager, I tried in vain to grow a mustache. Couldn't do it. Kinda gave up on facial hairs until I was nearly 30, when I went on vacation and didn't shave the entire time. When I got home, I had the start of a good shadow, so I just scraped off my cheeks and neck, left the goat part. I was working at an apartment complex, doing maintenance, and an absolutely beautiful girl told me that the goat thingy looked good.

So I kept it.

I grew it longer, trimmed it shorter, bushier, etc. Until I was off work one year between Christmas and New Year, when I shaved my chin naked.

Holy hell, what a mistake.

And I know what you're thinking. This blog is worthless w/o pics. 

It'd be worthless even with pictures.

So 10 or 12 years of a hairy chin.....you kinda get used to seeing that in the mirror...every time I went into the bathroom, I scared myself....thinking "who is that weak chinned fat bastard?" 

I grew it back just as fast as I could, which was not fast enough....took at least a month for it to look not terrible.

With the massage biz, and the wife preferences, I kept it pretty short, if it got to be too much more than an inch, she got a little crabby about it...so fast forward to 2014. 

15 years of wearing a goat thingy and no wife to complain if it's too long.

 Gay Bar Aug 2014

 That purple shirt pic was one of the first pics taken with the phone, so that is actually Sept 2013

 autumn 2013

 I don't remember when I found Jesus.

 made a beard comb last fall

 Mid Dec 2014 right before I had an interview. I trimmed the goat back to an inch to blend.

Beautiful day in Winona, Jan 2015

 March 2015

Will I keep the beard? I don't know. Probably not, I suspect it will be hot, esp in the motorcycle helmet.  I confess that I really like the comb...I have some oil blend, massage oil, to be honest, with some essential oils in it that I put on the comb. The comb is made from locust and maple, btw, cut on the bandsaw, sanded to taper the teeth. Feels great.

I do like the not shaving aspect of life...saves a little time each day. Does not really save much money, since I can use the dollar store razors; using a razor that cost a dime 5 or 6 times...living life dangerously.  I may see how it goes cut short, since a long goat is painful during motorcycle season anyway.

Opinions welcome....

Clever title

March 10, 2015 ramblings

On March 9, 2004, the frost was thick and heavy, I slid a city bus down a hill and half around a curve, slamming the back of the bus into a tree, hurting some people and killing the bus. Great day. (yes, that was sarcasm)

Jan 31, 2014, my wife of 20 years or so moves out into a place across town. I assume almost full responsibility for the dissolution. You'd probably understand and agree with the reason, but maybe not the application.

In order to pay for oBamacare, I took on a few more jobs. At the end of 2014 I had 2, plus the continuous occasional massage money stream, the random wood sale, etc. Oh, my other job? Driving a party bus, which they really don't run in the winter. Not helpful to my bank account, but I understand.  My new jobs: weekend maintenance at a hotel and actor at Mayo Clinic. Fun times, friends. 

So for a year and a little more, I've lived alone with my cat. I had not lived alone since meeting Val, in 1993. Overall, I think it's more fun now than it was in 1988-1993, but we have the internet now, too. During this time I've had good times and better times. A few bad times.

Like when the sink drain plugged up, but that really wasn't hard to fix. The bathroom sink drain is next, rather slow. I got really lucky the other day: I had some new sink parts perched on the toilet tank, waiting for installation, (drain plug, the handle and lever for it). Somehow the plug (also called pop up) got dropped into the toilet. I was in a hurry and went to work, promptly forgot about it. When I got home, I had to go, still forgetting about that thing in there....until I heard a *tinkle* when I flushed. "OH CRAP!" I said. Butt everything went down, and has continued to go down since, so I guess I got lucky.

Or how about this last weekend, which was moderately better than the weekend before, but not really. See, the full time guy at the hotel went on vacation, so I agreed to go there during my mid day break to maintain things. This means that I have to drive both cars each day. One to work and the other to work. (I know.) On day 8, I'm heading down and so is the brake pedal. I have a leak. Got it home, filled the MC with brake juice, drove it to the other job on Friday. Leak is worse, of course. A LOT of fun driving it home, but arrived safe. I could see that the RF wheel is coated with brake fluid, so I know it's the hose. I really don't feel like typing up all that occurred, but suffice to say that it was a decently warm day, and I made about 6 trips to the parts store; thank AlGore that it's close. I am still not done, can't get them bled sufficiently because I can't get the bleeder valve to open. I may give up and take it across the street, for them to do it.

Not ready to talk about the weekend prior to the brake weekend. sorry.

Seems like the older I get, the longer winter is, even though the time goes faster. 

My 4th job is in the multidiscipline blah blah blah center at Mayo. Basically my assignment is to pretend I'm a middle aged fat guy with a bad knee. I've got one more day of it this round, and may be called upon to do it a few more times thru the year. Fun times....but I don't get the whole anti bus ride to mayo angst that people have. I've ridden the bus there every time, and twice parked it within a block of the place. Oh, yes. I know, it's not fair....I drove the city bus, so I understand how it works. I live on a bus line; I can go east to one route, or west to a different route. Short walk each time. And since I drive a bus, I can park it in the bus parking right outside the bdlg. Cheating, I know. But you could have moved into a neighborhood where there is a bus....

Some parts of my family want to put Grandma into a nursing home. The idiot cousins disagree. One of them has worked in a nursing home, so maybe she knows better. I don't know...I'm too much of a coward to go visit her....and she wouldn't know me anyway, so....


Oh, I know, this blog entry sucks. Too bad. ;) I just have not felt like writing, every time I do it reads like I'm complaining. And maybe I am. Whining. whatever. 

10 things I saw today

I did a list thingy once, and it was well received. Maybe if you're lucky someday I'll tell you why I've not been keeping this bloggy thing updated.



1. Deer
2. Turkey
3. flowery bush
4. really nice old car
5. fat guy planting flowers in the rain
6. old couple planting garden
7. cop in a big hurry
8. ambulance chasing cop
9. helicopter leaving hospital
10. Kid falling off skateboard

"restoring" an old light 50 shades of grey?

Restoring an old light.  Not really restoring, that implies that it'll be just like new, "mint", if you're stuck in the 80's language trap.  

I was cleaning up my laundry room area, and was dusting off this light when I saw that the bulb was broken....as in no glass or filament was present.  Some needle nosed pliers make short work of that, but before inserting a new bulb, I see that the socket is loose, so I decide to take it apart to see if there's any problems in there.

There was indeed a problem, friends, one wire that was soldered to the socket was bare and nearly broken off from the socket, so the decision was made to replace it.  I have a bucket full of track lights in the garage, all with really nice ceramic sockets, not bakelite like this one.

A picture would be helpful here, sort of like about 1000 words helpful instead of me trying to describe this light.  But here goes.  First, you should know it's about the colour of a turd.  Brown.  It's also the colour of a lot of traffic lights, that weird bronze colour; not the silver or grey or green and yellow motif that is common around here, but kind of brown...except for where the paint has flaked off and the steel has rusted.


The main body of the light is round, which would be cylindrical.  If it had a flat base and could stand upright, it'd be phallic, and then I'd paint it grey, many different shades of grey.  How many?  50.  The diameter?  If you can imagine my hands, thumbs and middle fingers touching making a circle, that'd be close.  Pretty sure that'd be bigger than Miss Steele's boob.

The light is about a foot long, and hangs from 2 straps that were spot welded to the body of the light.  The cord, which is white and not original to the light enters one end, dead center.  The light socket also mounts there, which is rather unusual for the socket to have a hollow nut to secure the mount to the substrate, and for the cord to enter that same nut.  Generally the cord enters via  a grommet and the socket mount would have either a screw, a bolt, or use a short pipe nipple and nut. 

Covering the wires, therefore protecting them, shielding them from heat from the bulb and keeping kids fingers away from the switch, etc, is a thin flat piece of metal, it fits in the housing loosely, secured with a screw.  Next to the screw is a switch, a simple toggle switch, off and on are the 2 choices, much like you'd expect.  The connections are made thusly:

One wire from the cord is soldered to the switch, which has very small tabs with holes in it for that purpose.   The other cord wire is connected to a wire from the socket with a ceramic wire nut, reused as original.  The other socket wire is soldered to the switch.  Which wires are which?  It does not matter.  The cord is not polarized, meaning the plug doesn't have different sized prongs on it, and it doesn't matter if the positive or the negative/neutral wires are switched, so long as one of them is.  The same amount of current flows thru each wire...and the switch breaks/opens/closes/completes the circuit to enable or stop the flow of electricity.   Does that make sense?

A word about ceramic wire nuts:  Since they're ceramic, or porcelain, they are very heat resistant, nearly indestructible.  But they don't have a metal springy thing in them like a traditional wire nut to help make the connection solid, you have to make sure that you twist the wires together before putting on the wire nut.  

I got the electrical put back together, and thought that I should test it.  So I plugged it in, and didn't get shocked.  Good sign, since I'm really not into getting shocked.  I screwed in a bulb, and flipped the switch.  No light.  Grrrrr.  Different bulb.  No light. Grrrr. flip the switch again, and it lights. Success.

So this light is a cylinder of metal with one "side" open, the inside of it is painted silvery to reflect the light from the bulb back out.  I sanded the rusty parts and bare parts, masked the cord and put some paper in the open area. I washed it with some alcohol to remove all dust, dirt, grease, wax or other surface impurities, then I sprayed it with primer, and will later spray it black.  

Why black?  Because the blue and white and green and grey are in the garage.

Hindsight says I should have rounded up a longer cord for it, it's only about 4', which would roughly be equivalent to the length of Mr Grey's tallywhacker, if you believe everything you read.  Every lamp and every power tool should come with a 12' cord, in my opinion.  Since I've had a drill with a 12" power cord and a different drill with a 12' power cord, I know which one is easier to use...and therefore, I'm right.  Note: the drill for sale is not mine.  I don't know whatever happened to the crappy one that I had.  Maybe Steve has it.

What will I do with this light?  I don't know.  I also don't know where I got it, or how long I've had it.  I've used it in the basement, primarily, have hung it from pipes, but I suspect it's a bed light, for the old steel pipe beds. It could hang off of a door, or under the sink from the pipes, but I'll probably do nothing with it, to be honest.

If you came here from FB expecting this to be all nipple clamps, floggers, butt plugs, handcuffs and grey ties, SORRY!  :)  I'd have to change the settings so no kids could get at it first, and ask my MIL to not read it.  

Do bicycle riders own the road?

Sometimes the fuckers act like they do own the road, and don't have to obey the rules of that road.

Some of my favorite people ride bicycles, but I hope that they don't do what I'm going to describe.

I was southbound on a one way street, and planned to turn east (left) at the light.  I see a bike and rider come up along side me, of course I was in the left lane so I could turn left...so he "split traffic" even though one lane of the traffic was stopped (parked at meters), and he stopped right next to me.  I was first in line at the light.  The light turns green, I get a green arrow to turn left, and the bike feller wearing spandex tight enough to show the pucker of his bunghole took off too.  I guess he didn't see my turn signal, or more likely, didn't care.

The dumbass should know better than to be in the blind spot, right?  Green light, I go, I turn, he yells "HEY!".  I continue to go, although stopping quickly might have been fun if he'd crash into the side of my bus.  But I have kids to deliver, so I keep going.

My problem with this?  There's not a defined crosswalk on that side of the intersection, he had no walk sign, he was riding the bike across the intersection.  If he wants to be in traffic and be respected like a vehicle in traffic, shouldn't he obey all the laws and rules of the road?  

If in a crosswalk, bicycles are supposed to be walked across the intersection.  If in the lane of traffic, the bike should be in the lane, not off to the left of it, trying to pass/creating a 3rd lane only big enough for the bike. 

Lots of them wear shirts that say something like "give me 3' of space, please".  But then they put themselves in a situation where they don't have 3' of space, but will make it out to the motor vehicle's fault if there's a problem.

Later on, a girl with spandex tight enough to show something more interesting than that dude's cornholio stood up to pedal across the street in the crosswalk and kept looking to see if I was going to run over her.  :) nope, didn't run over anyone today.

Independance Day, 2013

To celebrate Independance day, we're going to the gun range for a little practice.  

Here's a music video of the Star Spangled Banner

And this, copied shame-lessly from a FB friend:  

Happy Independence day everyone!  How well do you know your history??
Independence Day, commonly known as the Fourth of July, is a federal holiday in the United States commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, declaring independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain. Independence Day is commonly associated with fireworks, parades, barbecues, carnivals, fairs, picnics, concerts, baseball games, family reunions, and political speeches and ceremonies, in addition to various other public and private events celebrating the history, government, and traditions of the United States. Independence Day is the National Day of the United States.

I think that she copied it from somewhere, too, so enjoy.

Harbor Freight trailer build, Alum Line box

The aluminum box arrived today, I ordered it from Alum Line, located in Cresco, IA.  It took about a month, maybe just 3 weeks, and they delivered it today....for $50.  Delivery meant that I didn't have to pay $43 to IA for sales tax, so that turned out ok.  Saved 3 hours and 3-4 gallons of gas, assuming I would have taken the bike and trailer to pick it up.

First thing to do is to remove the bolts on the top of the frame so the box can sit tight to the frame and also have bolts and holes to secure it.  Measure, mark, remeasure, check, test, measure and check it some more before using my center punch to start the holes.  I used my electric drill to drill a pilot hole while the cordless drill's battery charged...it has a 1/2" chuck so I can use the 23/64" bit.  The bolts are 10 mm, which is of course larger than 3/8", blah blah blah.

I don't yet know if the bolts are long enough, they were sized to bolt the frame together and not to add the box as well as a washer.  So I'll probably use slightly longer 3/8" bolts, and enjoy the extra large holes to line things up.

As expected, nothing worked as planned.  Only about 2 holes line up, we forced some bolts in, but the box is a little twisted, so I'll pull out the bolts and ream the holes so that it'll be straight.  

When that is done, I'll get down the grey outdoor carpet and measure, measure, measure and then cut.  Then I'll test fit, cut, test fit, cut, test fit, cut, start over.  Eventually I'll glue it on the sides, but will likely leave the piece on the floor loose so it can be removed, replaced, cleaned, etc.

Sounds like fun, huh.

Yeah, I can't wait.

It needs to be done, though, because it's been my experience that whatever rubs on aluminum turns black.

Black is where it's at.  Once you go black, you never go back.  Black is the new red.  Back in Black.  
Screw that.

I want the crap we put in the wagon to remain as purty as when we put it in there.  How purty is that?  Honestly, not very, but the AL staining is worse.  I also want the crap to stay in one or 2 places, I don't want it sliding or rolling around.  The carpet will help with this.

Remember when we stopped at Harbor Freight on Easter?  Yeah, we bought a spare tire with a coupon and some cash, so I need to mount that thing somewhere.  Easiest thing to do is to use a stub of threaded rod bolted to the frame to hang it.  We'll see how that holds up; it's cheap, at least.

Ready for some pics?

 Drilled from the outside in, we're left with a sharp burr that has to be removed.

 Yep, did a crappy job painting.

Should hold all of our crap, I think.  need to make a tongue stand to hold it up level when parked, I think maybe a bumper of some sort, so I can stand it on end when not in use.

Hutzler 571B banana slicer review

It's no joke, friends, you too can get a tool for your banana slicing needs, it even comes in a 2 pack....and with that knowledge, with your permission, I'd like to offer my good friend and adviser AlGore a heartfelt and sincere thank you for inventing the Hutzler 571B Banana Slicer!  This magical invention has improved and enhanced my life so much, read on, if you dare.


They look slightly less phallic in pairs, don't you think?

You see, all my life I believed the TV commercials that stated the egg is the perfect food.  The incredible edible egg.  blah blah blah.  Or if you're asian, you might say bra bra bra.

What a load of crap.  Eggs are a pain in the ass.  Only hungover people and body builders eat them raw; for those that don't know, this means that eggs must be cooked.  Eggs must also be refrigerated or they'll rot...have you ever broken a rotten egg up close?  It's not very nice.  

For those keeping score...for these "incredible" things, you must have a heat source and a cooling source.  You have to have a pot or a pan, and probably a plate and a fork, as well as toast and a toaster.  Oh, sure, if you already have toast, you don't need a toaster.  I know that, but what came first....a chicken or the egg?

You have to have the luck of the irish and the blessing of a nun to get a box of these things home unscathed...usually the 57 year old bag boy that still lives at home with mommy drops the jar of cheeze whiz on the eggs when he gets distracted by the cleavage on the HyVee cashier.  But that only happens when you ask for a paper sack and are not watching the bag boy's every move.  Often they throw canned items on peaches or pears or bananas.  

In reality, this doesn't happen too often because HyVee cashiers are usually wearing shirts that are buttoned to the neck and also wearing a tie thingy.  And if you buy yer eggs at Kwik Trip, the cashiers usually don't wear cleavage and I don't buy cheeze whiz at either location.  

To enjoy the egg, it must be cooked, which seems simple enough.  But!  imagine!  Too much heat, not enough heat, too much lube, not enough lube, trying to turn too early, waiting too long to turn, OH, the problems.  

BUT before you can cook the damn thing, you must crack it.  Some like to crack them on the edge of the bowl or skillet.  Some like to crack them on a flat surface.  Both can present problems and opportunities.  Hit it too hard and you make a mess.  Not hard enough and you risk perforating your thumbs when you poke them thru the shell into the wet sticky stuff.  If you don't crack them correctly, when you open the shell into the pan you may break the yolk into the white.  No big deal if you were going to scramble the little bastards, but when Princess orders them over easy, you better make sure you deliver them over easy.  

Then a dilemma!  What to do with the shell?  Compost or trash?  It's best, of course, to compost them, return to nature and all that tofu crap.  But I'll tell you, I rarely have a bucket sitting around waiting to go to the compost heap, and never in the winter because it's clear around the other side of the garage thru waist deep snow....I trash them.  

And then, you have to wash all that sticky stuff off your hands, or else people will look at you funny and we're not going to talk about what the egg stuff looks like when it dries on the front of your pants.  Girls, it should work great for hair gel....

Salt, pepper, ketchup, Tabasco, salsa, toast, plate, omelet, sour cream, bowl, fork, the options are endless.

A banana is indeed the perfect food.  When you're lucky enough to find a ripe one, all you have to do is peel that sucker and chomp it down. No heat source, no chill chest, no kitchen full of pots, pans, turners, sinks, just 2 hands and some teeth, although a tongue does help a bit.  Slice it, dice it, eat it whole, it really doesn't matter, it's all delicious, and assuming your colon is working correctly, that banana will return to it's original shape and size by tomorrow afternoon.  If you're lucky, it will knock politely before making it's escape.

Peel and eat, no washing, no cooking, just toss the peel out the window onto the lap of the driver of the passing convertible.

Eat a banana as a snack, as meal, as dessert.  Puree it with avocados, cabbage, kiwi, grapes, a raw egg, and zucchini to make a smoothie so nasty the dog will ignore and lick the cat's ass instead.  Slice it on pancakes, cereal, ice cream, PB&J or oatmeal.  

Sometimes you want a bunch of banana slices that are uniform and identical.  There are several methods in which to do this, you can hire a guy that stands on the corner by WallyMart holding a sign that states "anything will help" (unless you offer a job), you can use a fork, a spoon, a butter knife, a chef's knife, a ginsu knife, a chainsaw, or a brush chipper.  And this is where the model 571B comes in.

What the hell, AlGore?  You got WD40 right after only 40 tries. 571???

Peel the banana and arrange on the cutting board white side up, in such a manner so that the curve lines up with the curve on the B.S.  Yeah, good luck with that, and don't try to force the curves to match, we want it sliced, not broken, damn it!

I know, I know, some reviewers have not been able to buy bananas that match the curvature of the 571B, they say that they can only get left bent fruits and the B.S. is curved to the right.  This is what I want to say to those people:  Don't vote.  And don't reproduce.  

The world has enough stupid people, just turn the thing over and proceed with caution.  

Some reviewers state that they chopped off a finger or 2 with the B.S. and what I want to say to them is:  come give me a massage, because with hands that soft, you must soak them in Palmolive all night long.

AND I want to ask those that attempted to slice w/o peeling:  what the hell were you going to do with those little slices of peel?  Perhaps you were planning to prank an ant colony by scattering them around and watching the little bastards fall down?

In other news, I killed the first fly of the season at 12:22 on 4/30/13.

One example of a time when you want identical uniform slices would be if you're feeding siblings. In this case, they have to be absolutely uniform, totally identical, same number, same size, same shape or WWIII will ensue.

Another might be if you're making a bananas foster sort of dessert.  Here's how you make it.  Coat banana slices with brown sugar, and brown in butter.  Turn to brown the other side, remove and add bourbon, set on fire for a minute, cook to reduce the sauce, serve hot.

Simple and delicious, no?

Not that easy, not easy at all.  The skillet is rocket hot, and the buttery is slippery as, well, it's really slippery.  Banana slices are difficult to turn over.  If you use a spatula, you'll splatter butter all over and you'll never get them all before they burn and you'll miss some and you'll turn some more than once.  You have to use a 2 handed approach, a tool in each hand.  If you are using a nonstick skillet, you can't use that wonderful sharp meat fork, either of them, or you'll scratch all the teflon off the skillet and that is not good eats.

Don't use a plastic fork, that f'er will melt, and white plastic is also not good eats.

Here's what actually happens.  I scoop some brown sugar into a bowl, and peel a couple of bananas.  Usually 2...one for each of us.  I take my favorite paring knife and slice one of them, it generally takes about a second per inch of banana.  I coat the slices with the brown sugar and begin melting butter in the skillet.  When it's hot, I put about half the slices in the skillet and while the first side is becoming golden brown and delicious, I slice the other banana into the bowl of sugar.  The first side takes a couple of minutes and then I turn them.  Usually as soon as soon as I get them all turned, the first that were turned are ready to come out, the 2nd side takes very little time to brown.  I cook the rest of the slices in the same manner, putting them all on a plate so the sauce can occur.

Point is, since turning the slices is such a PIA, it doesn't matter if the slices are uniform and perfect.  I just leave the thicker ones a little longer and the thinner ones cook a little less.  What I need to do is make a turner fork out of wood so that I don't scratch up the non stickyness.  Got wood?  I do.

So it takes about a second per inch to slice by hand, and by hand I mean by knife, of course.  To slice by hand would result in your hand being covered with a white sticky substance, and we've already discussed something like that, you dirty minded person.  I like that quality, btw.  So:  6-8 seconds to slice the banana with a knife vs 1 second to slice with the B.S.  so far, not a huge time saver, is it?  

Let's talk about clean up.

It'll take me about 1.5 seconds to wash my knife, as it has only 1 cutting blade.  I will be washing that B.S. for about much longer, since it has 17 cutting edges, and if your banana was longer than the B.S., then you have to spend extra time on the ends.  

Dishwasher safe!  Yippee.  Unless you run yours more often than we run ours, which is about every other day, the damn thing will be dirty when you need it the next time.  Plus, consider that once the white sticky stuff dries on there, it'll never come off in the damn dishwasher, which means you have to wash it before putting it in there, which defeats the purpose of making it dishwasher safe.

One other compelling reason to avoid this dumb damn thing, is that it is a unitasker.  That means it can only do one thing...you can't even cut hot dogs with it because of that stupid bend and the cheap flimsy construction.  With a kitchen the size of mine, there's only room for one unitasker, the fire extinguisher. 

Don't buy this dumb thing, just use your fork, your knife, or your spoon.

motorcycle trailer build

Picture time

 Lots of stuff in this pic:  New Glarus beer, a Proto 5# dead blow hammer that was my reward for perfect attendance in diesel mechanic school in '87-'88, the augmented sawhorse platform, the black and red of the trailer frame, a hint of the stepladder I picked up off of the highway in the mid '90s, the tail of my RoadStar and of course, some wrenches.

 A danger/warning label in the trash, where it belongs.

 I was very happy that the tires are King brand.

 Taking apart the leaf springs, the bent steel is the bracket that I had to bend with the pliers to separate the 3 leafs.   I had to take the bolt from the center and put it back into the single leaf, the round head acts as a centering pin for the axle. 

DIY wiring harness plugs and home made tools to remover the various spade/bullet/pin connectors from the varied plug bodies.  Just take a piece of wood, hammer in a finish nail, hammer down the end about as thin as you need and then grind/sand/file it to the shape that will work.  Carve/sand the handles for comfort.  You can see that some of them are double ended.

I crimp and then solder the wires, because I occasionally like to be redundant and do the same work twice.

You can get those plugs in 2, 3, 4, 6, and 8 connector configurations, but if you only have 5 or 7 wires, you can of course, leave one empty.  I think I got them at Vintage Connections.com.  Oddly, the locking shells are less expensive than the non locking shells.  

As soon as we're strong enough, we're going out to take it off the supports, turn it over onto the wheels so we can measure for the height of the box.  You know I'll let you know how that goes....Wish us luck.

Making yogurt

If you'd have asked me a year ago if I'd ever make yogurt you might not have gotten a favorable response.  Not that I didn't like it then, it's just one of the weird things that I had never considered making.

Quart of yogurt at Aldi's is $2.  Tiny cup of it at Kwik Trip is $.79, half gallon of milk is about $1.50.

Of course, you either need some starter or some yogurt to make more yogurt...so I bought the $2 bucket to see if I'd use it all before it rotted.  Turns out that I did.  I used the last of it today to make a quart, I wonder how it'll turn out.

I did make some a week or so ago, it turned out pretty thin.  It had a decent flavor, for plain, but very thin.  After reading some pages on the interwebsnet thingy, I may have found out why...and if this batch turns out thin too, that will support my new found knowledge.

All pages concerning making yogurt are consistent with one thing:  being widely varied regarding the end temp to heat the milk...and I figgered:  the crap is already pasteurized, why do it again?

Here's the answer I got: (from here)

If you are using pasteurized milk, you must first sterilize it. Some people ask why this is necessary if the milk has already been pasteurized. The answer is that pasteurization kills the natural bacteria that are in milk, so as it ages, the milk can collect and nurture bad bacteria. If you simply warm the milk up to 110°, the bad bacteria can flourish and make the milk taste unpleasant or even make it harmful. (This is why pasteurized milk has an expiration date, and is not good to use after a certain time.)

Sterilizing the milk just before culturing it makes sure that the milk is completely clean and will present a welcoming environment where the yogurt culture can thrive and do its work. Additionally, heating the milk denatures (changes the characteristics of) the milk proteins, weakening the cell membranes and allowing the protein molecules to adhere to each other, causing better coagulation in the yogurt.

The first batch I made was from old, expired milk.  It didn't smell sour, but was nearly a week past the date on the bag.  Yes, people not familiar with Kwik Trip/Kwik Star, we buy milk in a half gallon sack.  It is quite a bit cheaper than those plastic jugs....and comes with a free pitcher.   They used to have a little bag corner slicer too, and we have one, but we just use a scissors now.  We fold the corner over and clamp it, even though the pitcher has a clamping slot machined/moulded in it already.  

You can see that I bought "Fit and Active" yogurt.  This is nonfat stuff and may be another reason mine turns out thin, even though I used whole milk.  More about the picture.  You can see the thermometer next to the crockpot (which we got as a wedding gift, 1994, for those keeping score).  Apparently yogurt yeastie beasties are pretty fussy about temps, they die about 118 and doze off under 90.  They don't completely go to sleep in the cold, which is why older yogurt tastes more tangy or sour than new/fresh yogurt.  

Why does yogurt taste tangy or sour?  I can answer that.  Oh, you want to know why yogurt doesn't make your lactose intolerance reaction react?  Same answer.

The beasties that the yogurt introduces into the milk eat the lactose (sugar) that is in the milk.  Or something like that.  Less sugars means more sour.

I may buy an "heirloom" starter which I can use over and over.  Most websites say that if you continue to just save back some yogurt as a starter after "several" cycles the beasties get tired/nonproductive.  Ungrateful little bastards, is what I say they are.

I poured some milk in a sauce pan, turned on the heat and put the thermometer probe in the pan.  I heated it to 120 or so, since it was before I read that linked page.  I filled the crockpot with hot water, and when the milk was down around 110 I tempered the left over yogurt in the bucket, then poured the milk into the bucket and all over the counter including my wallet, which was lying innocently on the countertop.  A quick rinse, a not so quick swab, and then poke a hole in the lid for the bucket.  Drop it into the hot water and monitor the temp for a while...when it got up to 115, pull it out of the water, when it dropped near 100, turn on the pot.  I let the beasties feast for about 6 hours, during that time I made a batch of bread and lunch.  

I like thicker yogurt, so I put a coffee filter in the colander, propped that on a bucket and dumped in the yogurt.  It's interesting how much whey comes out. Last time, it was white, and I fed it to the dog.  This time it is nearly colourless and I'll save it for making bread.  The dog loved it, btw.  

It's been draining about an hour, there's about an inch of whey in that bottom bucket.  I did stir/scrape the stuff around on the filter, had a taste, it is quite tangy and I think it will thicken nicely once in the fridge.  If it doesn't, I have some xanthan gum that will thicken it.  

One reason the first batch might not have gotten thick is the too much culture for the amount of milk, or not keeping it warm enough during the incubation stage.  I think I'll experiment by putting it in the cabinet above the fridge overnight...it's pretty warm up there.

I am going to call this a success.  Stop by if you want to taste it.